if only it didn't happen .

hey...
today was a very bad day man ... begainning was alright but aft recess everything when wrong . WRONG WRONG WRONG ! it was like th worst day of this year ! dont wan say about it .

im so confuse can ! && somemore today got 2 test to add on to my stress D: but th main is th damn crap things that all happen for that moment after school . that moment where i felt lots of tears going to flow out but atleat i hold it back till aft i when away . that moment where i felt lots of pain . that moment i felt that nobody could help . that moment where i was speechless . that moment where i have no idea what to do . th moment where i lied . th moment where i dont feel good . th moment where everything when wrong . i really cant take it man ! i freaking gonna blow up soon ! am i foolish or dumb ? am i stupid or an idiot ? i really dont know !

i have problems with my studies , i have problems with my teacher i have problem with my life and now , i have problems over my FRIENDS ! damn it man ! if i help her i will get her into another trouble && he will be like idk . but it is something i dont wan it to happen . i dont wan him to get angry or anything . but if i listen to him && break her promise . i wont be a good friend to her . && i will be breaking my promise with him . i dont wanna break his promise too . i shouldn't have gave her th thing . i ready know what happening between the yet i was still so STUPID to gave it to her ! im so idiot ! im such a loser ! im just like purely STUPID ! STUPID STUPID STUPID ! im STUCKED ! i lied to him for her but yet i just feel so guilty . though its a white lie . okay mayb not a white lie . a lie that is wrong but atleast it help someone . i really didnt wan to lie to him . i really didnt . my guilt is KILLING me ! i am very confuse .

during th math test couldn't concentrate . was thinking bout what he said && was thinking bout what i should do . i am afraid th deal i made with him , i couldn't do it . i believe he will keep his promise but im scared i cant . im scared i will break it anytime . i freaking wish i could open a fairytale book and jump into it && hid away frm troubles . i know by thinking like thats shows that im humji but i really couldnt stop having that thought . i just cant face reality . reality hurts . i just cant stop thinking bout it and stop my tears frm flowing . why must it be like this why cant it just be a fairytale story or a bad dream . a really bad one . i really dont understand .

when I going home , i keep thinking whats going to go wrong next . and guess what i nearly got knocked down by a motocycle . very close to getting hit down . if i got hit down is it trying to help me escape frm reality ? i was thinking , if i live in a fairytale land . nothing will go wrong .



I NEED PAINKILLERS TO NUMB MY PAIN !


A-R-Y-N-N-A♥


im sorry i lied to you . im sorry i gave her th thing . im sorry for whatever i did wrong to you . i hope you aint angry at me . i believe you still are , but i hope you dont get angry at me anymore . i didn't wan this to happen . i know giving her that thing is wrong . i nvr ask ur permission i den give le . im sorry . really am sorry . i know listening to you is always right . but i am really lost . i know if i help her i will be at fault too . but i promise alrd . promise aint suppose to be broken ba ? i've think of loads of solution but it all cant get a good ending . i will try my best to think of a good ending . but before that , i believe i wont have th face to see you . so for th moment i guess i wont be able to face you ba . idk if your ignoring me or what but if your wish is to not see me . i will try my best to avoid you frm seeing me . i will try my very best .